But of course, life is not always full of butterflies and rainbows. Deprogramming everything I’ve learned since I was born isn’t an easy process. My mind is constantly playing tricks on me. It brings up the old traumas even in paradise. I’ve been struggling between the old me and the new me, trying to hold on to what I thought made me who I was up until a few years ago. I sometimes try to go back to enjoy the old habits and end up getting the worst hangover with 1 glass of wine or get sick following a cup of coffee. When I convince myself that I’m bored of living on an island in the middle of nowhere, I get panic attacks from just looking at flight tickets to the ‘modern’ world.

In a recent workshop, I learned about women’s archetypes, which opened my eyes widely. Life has stages.. just like Mother Nature goes through seasons Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter, or the Moon goes from New moon, Waxing crescent, Full moon, and Waning crescent. We women also go through seasons in our lifetime; starting from Virgin (spring), Mother (summer), Enchantress (fall), and Crone (winter).

So according to this, it seems like I’m entering the Enchantress/fall phase of my life: the psychic, wise, deep, sexual, and strong one! This is a much better perspective than what modern society pushes us to believe about the 40+ yr old women: more cosmetics to hide the wrinkles, pills to speed up the metabolism, and all kinds of props to look younger.

On my 42nd birthday, I’m accepting, embracing, and surrendering to my past and present, I’m connecting with the cycles of Mother Nature and the Moon. I am honoring my new age and kicking my ego in the ass.

Hello 42! 🎈😁🐣✨