While leaving 41 years behind me, I thought it’s a great time to review and reflect about my life.
In the last few years, by removing myself from the western society and lifestyle, I’ve started experiencing within myself the break up of the old egoic mind patterns and the emergence of a new dimension of consciousness.
Since I left my shiny life in NYC to find and connect with my true self, my life view and style have changed drastically and I no longer enjoy most of the things that seemed so meaningful in the past. For instance I don’t like to socialize, don’t like to be the center of attention, I hate loud and busy places, don’t like to have any type of possessions that would attach me to a place. My belongings in this life consist of a backpack-full-of clothes, 2 pairs of flip flops, and a box in a friend’s closet in the US. If I want to buy something new, it means I need to get rid of something to open space for it in my life. I am ready to leave my current place in 10 minutes and go start a life in a completely new place because I’m no longer slave to materialism. (You can read more about my journey here).
But of course life is not always full of butterflies and rainbows. Deprogramming everything I’ve learned since I was born hasn’t been an easy process. My mind is constantly playing tricks on me. It brings up the old traumas, physical abuse, suicide attempt even in paradise. I’ve been struggling between the old me and new me, trying to hold on to what I thought made me who I was up until a few years ago. I sometimes try to go back to enjoy the old habits and end up getting the worst hangover with 1 glass of wine or get sick following a cup of coffee. When I convince myself I’m bored of living on an island in the middle of nowhere, I have panic attacks from looking at flight tickets…
In a recent workshop, I learned about women’s archetypes, which opened my eyes widely. Life has stages.. just like Mother Nature goes through seasons Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter, or the Moon goes from New moon, Waxing crescent, Full moon and Waning crescent. We women also go through seasons in our lifetime; starting from Virgin (spring), Mother (summer), Enchantress (fall), and Crone (winter).
It seems like I’m entering in the Enchantress/fall phase of my life: the psychic, wise, deep, sexual and strong one! This is a much better perspective than what the modern society pushes us to believe about the 40+ yr old women: more cosmetics to hide the wrinkles, pills to speed up the metabolism, and all kinds of props to look younger.
I’m accepting, embracing and surrendering to my past and present, I’m connecting with the cycles of Mother Nature and the Moon. I am honoring my new age and kicking my ego in the ass.
Hello 42! 🎈😁🐣✨